Every day I feel like I'm doing the same thing. The exact events of my day may change a little - talking to different customers, encountering different problems, etc - but I feel like I'm always doing the same thing. I wake up, make my lunch, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch some TV and go to bed.
Is this what I'm going to do until the day I die? Is this really all that there is in life? If so, what's the point? To incur debt and pay off bills? Is my sole purpose on this planet to survive comfortably?
These questions have been weighing heavy on me for the last few weeks. I know that I have a very good life and I love my husband a lot, but I can never seem to be content with just being content. I don't know what I want out of life. I don't know what would make me happy and keep me happy. I've never found my "passion". Matt's got it and it sometimes makes me jealous.
I understand why people need to be religious. It's a lot nicer to think that we're not alone or that we're working towards something that's bigger than us, but I know that's just not the way it is. We're born, we live, we die - end of story. I see why some people have kids - at least it's a little variety, but in my case, I think it would be selfish to have kids. I know that I would get bored with that, too, and I don't want to screw up a couple more people on this planet. I also understand why some people turn to drugs or drinking - it's easier to cope with the sadness of it all. But I won't let myself turn to any of those options - instead, I wallow in my own self-torture and think way too much.
Not the happiest of posts, but this is what goes through my head every day.
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